Why is married life so hard

The most beautiful experiences in life always seem to feature some challenges. We all know that marriage is hard. There's something undeniably profound about two people committing themselves to the other, isn't there?

And at the same time, there are endless testimonies from married folk about the hardships of this commitment. What exactly is it about marriage that makes it so difficult? What are the hardest parts of being married? There's probably not just a one-answer-fits-all here; instead of trying to provide that, here are three of the hardest parts of marriage.

Also included are some tips for how to overcome them. Did you know that you have limitations and that there's a stopping point to all the things you can accomplish and get done? For most people, that stopping point comes a lot sooner than they suspect.

Believe it or not, there are many people who, in practice, are unaware of the fact that they are limited; that there are things they simply can't do. No one, of course, would ever admit this. If given a test with one question that read, "do you have limitations? Or, worse, they explode.

In marriage, you and your spouse are ideally working together to bring about your goals, dreams, and hopes. In any collaborative process, you will be faced with your limitations—it's inevitable.

And this begins to illuminate why being shown your limitations is one of the hardest parts of marriage. It's one thing to confront your limitations alone, it's another to do it in the presence of someone else every single day. Being aware and responsive to your limitations is a true sign of humility.

Humility is demanding; it takes a lot. This is why being shown your limitations is so challenging. Related to the hardship about limitations is the discovery one makes in a marriage that they're not always in control.

Part of why people enjoy non-married life so much is because their sense that they have full control remains intact. In marriage, this illusion of control becomes most prominent. Singledom, on the other hand, means that you reign over your kingdom; you have total say over what you do, when you do it, and how much you'll spend in the process. Not so in marriage. Marriage is perhaps best described as two kingdoms coming together or colliding—whichever is a better fit for you.

It's what happens when two individuals with complete say over their lives enter into a "partnership of say," so to speak. The result? A release of full control. To be clear, it's not that in marriage you go from having the control to being controlled. It's that you move from having the control to having less control. You have less control because now more than ever your decisions directly impact another and so deserve the input of that other.

But why does this mean that marriage is hard? Our problems are a special blend of our personalities and circumstances, as are our triumphs and joys. We're trying and making mistakes, but also asking forgiveness and starting new. Year after year, we are checking our hearts and choosing our marriage, choosing each other, because we know that doing the hard, deep work of marriage makes us better individually and together.

Marriage has called us to set aside ourselves and give preference to one another. It has turned the hoax of a fairy tale in to a more realistic, reciprocal servitude. Being married is choosing self-sacrifice and going against the inherent selfishness of human nature.

I fully confess that I am a selfish person. How could I not be? My relationship with my husband is worth the effort and sacrifice. Marriage is hard, but marriage is also worth it. Instead, it's worth being aware that you're placing so many demands on your partner — and that they might be equally demanding of you. Perhaps, as Finkel suggests, you'll want to look outside your marriage for additional sources of personal fulfillment — like friends and hobbies.

Or maybe you and your partner will have a conversation about how grateful you are for what the other does provide, and what each would like to see more of going forward. Your marriage will never be perfect — but being aware of the broader cultural forces behind your particular issues is perhaps the first step to solving them.

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